


Fourth of July

by SpacePunkStevie



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint gets distracted by Bruce Springsteen, Comedy, Multi, Phil doesn't handle stress well, Romantic Comedy, There is a cat, but nothing serious by way of warnings, let's be real it's a romcom, there's also a fair bit of swearing, written by Sam Nat Clint and Phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 03:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4247271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpacePunkStevie/pseuds/SpacePunkStevie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers find out that Steve was born of Independence Day and decide to throw him a very American birthday party, Natasha won't stop trying to set Steve up with the one person with whom he has "shared life experience", and Sam is the world's greatest matchmaker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic I wrote in a day for a friend's birthday in 2014.
> 
> Just, I do not know how long it takes to get to any boardwalk in New Jersey from New York. I live in New Zealand. I don't know what a turnpike is even supposed to be. Please just ignore it, I couldn't find anything on Google and just thought "it seem's kinda close who cares". If you're from either of those places I apologise profusely.

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Phase One**

**Date: 07/03/14**

**Time: 2350**

**Operation status: Ready**

 

Ten minutes until Captain Rogers’ birthday. Everyone is in place. The intel that lead to this mission was received less than a week ago from Barnes, so it has been a challenge to get everything arranged in time.

Stark has been a nightmare, as usual. He doesn’t seem to be able to get over the fact that Rogers was born on the Fourth of July and spent much of the preparation time laughing about it. Nonetheless, with Miss Potts’ insistence, has programmed Jarvis as requested.

Thor is more than happy to be involved and is in position. _He_ isn’t causing any trouble or laughing about the date of Rogers’ birthday.

Barnes, on the other hand, also seems to find the date in question hilarious. He and Stark have been very active in the planning stages, although Barnes’ ideas tend to be considerably more practical. And he even managed to convince Rogers to stay at Stark Tower.

Barton is in position. He was the obvious choice for his particular role and seems very keen. Almost worryingly keen. Which brings me to Romanoff.

She’s planning something, I _know_ it. She and Barton have been talking secretly even more often than usual, though her main contribution to planning was to involve Barnes as directly as possible in all aspects of the operation, which doesn’t seem too suspicious. I can only hope that SHIELD’s two best agents are professional enough to not jeopardise this mission.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Polar Vortex**

**Phase One**

**Date: 07/03/14**

**Time: 2350**

**Operation Status: Ready**

 

I don’t think Phil suspects a thing. Me and Nat have been planning this for almost as long as the Avengers have been planning Cap's birthday party. See, Natasha likes to intervene in people’s lives- always with the best intentions, of course- and Cap, well, he doesn’t really like his life being intervened with. It’s a problem, but we have a solution. Nat thinks Steve need’s a date, and there’s no way she’s going to stop intervening until he has one. So we thought- as a birthday present, y’know- we stop Nat intervening.

By getting him a date.

With Bucky.

Okay, the logic may be flawed, but Cap did say he wanted someone with “shared life experience”.

 

Clint, we are _not_ calling it Operation Polar Vortex.

 

Why not? It’s a great name. Don’t steal my notebo

 

And why are you even writing it in a notebook? We have laptops you know.

 

I prefer my notebook. And it’s called Polar Vortex because it’s the _Winter_ Soldier, and Captain _America_. And it sounds cool.

 

We should call it Operation Barnes and Noble.

 

No, we’re not doing that. Anyway, I think Bruce may be onto us, but he hasn’t said or done anything except chuckle to himself occasionally so we’re taking that as his blessing.

Nat’s sorted the birthday plans so that Bucky’s there basically the whole time. Starting in about five minutes, if Tony’s done his part of Phil’s plan.

 

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Phase One**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 0200**

**Operation status: In Progress**

 

Stark did his job. The moment the date ticked over to the fourth of July, Jarvis woke up Rogers with a very loud recording of “Star Spangled Man with a Plan”. It’s one of my favourite songs, but Rogers didn’t seem to enjoy it so much when he left his room with his hair sticking up to find Barnes, Stark, Thor, and Romanoff with party poppers.

Barton was around, too. He showed up a little later, after making sure that the first part of his job was done well. Barton’s job is filming the whole thing and putting it on YouTube. This part was Wilson’s idea, but unfortunately he voiced it within earshot of Barnes. Once Barnes brought the idea to Stark there was no stopping it.

Rogers more or less accepted his fate and- after returning to his room to swap his dressing gown for clothes, actually seems to be enjoying himself. Though he isn’t talking to Barnes because apparently he blames him for telling the rest of us when his birthday is.

Stark has only made two patriotism jokes, which is remarkable. Although he made fun of my Captain America Shield cufflinks. But they’re antiques so he can shut up. God I hate that guy sometimes.

Barton has kindly supplied us with some of his secret, super-strong coffee stash so we’re all reasonably awake. Which is good, because with phase one being a success, phase two is about to start.

Let’s just say there’s a reason we have Thor here.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Barnes and Noble**

**Phase One**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 0200**

**Operation Status: Not brilliant**

 

I still think Polar Vortex was a good name. However, it’s not a very good mission right now as Steve is blaming Bucky for telling us when his birthday is and is now not talking to him.

Still, at least he seems to almost be enjoying his birthday. Tony has made a playlist of obnoxiously American songs, which is nice. I wonder if there are any obnoxiously Canadian song

 

Clint, if you could stay on topic.

 

And if you could stop stealing my notebook. Right. Phase two of Operation Party in the USA is about to be underway and phase one of Operation Polar Vortex

 

Clint we are not calling it that

 

Of Operation Barnes and Noble is not going well. Phase two can’t work if they’re not talking. We need a solution, quickly.

For some reason Nat is waving her cell phone at me and grinning.

 

Update:

Nat has a solution.

 

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Phase Two**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 0515**

**Operation status: In Progress**

 

We informed Rogers of our collective intention to leave the tower to better celebrate his birthday. He took it just as Barnes predicted and refused. Luckily, we had prepared for this eventuality.

After Thor successfully carried Rogers, fireman style, to the destination, there are now two people Rogers isn’t talking to.

Actually, three, now that he’s worked out that Barton is filming when he’s not writing something in his notebook and conspiring with Romanoff.

Banner, who was waiting there with Wilson, was looking thoroughly amused at their antics, but if he knows what’s going on he’s not telling. At least I can be reasonably sure that if it were something that was going to compromise the mission, he’d tell me.

More concerning is Wilson, who seems to find Rogers’ and Barnes’ disagreement absolutely hilarious and is trying to reconcile them.

At least this phase is going well so far. Potts somehow managed to find a restaurant that shows movies and that was having a three AM screening of Independence Day, which we thought would be fun. The owners found our booking hilarious and had a great idea of their own. I’m not sure that the point of a birthday is to embarrass the person as much as possible but Stark was very keen.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Polar Vortex**

**Phase One**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 0530**

**Operation Status: Better**

 

Sam is now in on our mission. Natasha texted him to make Steve start talking to Bucky again, and he was very keen. I don’t know what he did, but

 

I thought we agreed we weren’t calling it that.

 

You agreed. Polar Vortex is a much better name. Anyway, I don’t know what he did, but they’re certainly talking again. In fact, Steve, Bucky, and Sam seem to be talking a lot more than expected. I’m pretty sure Bruce has been listening to their conversation and knows exactly what’s going on but he

 

How is Polar Vortex a better name than Barnes and Noble? How about you stick to filming and let me write this up?

 

Stop. Stealing. My. Notebook. It’s my notebook, and I’m calling it Operation Polar Vortex. Anyway, Bruce seems to be enjoying himself a lot but he isn’t telling us what Steve and Co. are discussing, but at least they’re talking again, so we can start phase two.

Also, because he knows what’s going on now, Sam has offered to do the uploading to YouTube, both the videos for Operation Party in the USA and Operation Pol

 

Barnes and Noble

 

Polar Vortex. So that’s one less thing for us to do. The movie is over but the owners of this place- which, luckily for Steve, is empty apart from us- have managed to find some old Captain America films and we’re about to start embarrassing him. We have Thor ready to make sure that he stays put.

 

Update:

Well this is odd.

 

Update:

And annoying.

 

Update:

Okay seriously, someone better come and get me soon.

 

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Phase Two???**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 0645**

**Operation status: A little problematic**

 

Rogers, predictably, didn’t much appreciate us trying to embarrass him. On the other hand, he seemed to have cheered up enormously and spent much of the time in deep discussion with Wilson and Barnes. It’s too early to say whether this is concerning or not.

Slightly more dangerous to the success of the mission is Rogers’ unwillingness to sit through his own wonderful films. This is why we have Thor, who was all too happy to place Mjölnir on his lap to make him stay.

This is how we figured out that Captain Rogers can lift Mjölnir.

Very shortly after we figured out that Barton can’t. Actually, someone should go back and get him.

Rogers left Mjölnir on top of Barton and managed to distract Thor (who was busy congratulating Rogers on being worthy) long enough to leave him there.

On the plus side, Rogers seems to be thoroughly enjoying himself now. On the downside it seems unlikely that we will be able to get this mission back on track quickly enough to pull off stage three. The sun is up now and I’m seriously considering sending a splinter team to retrieve Agent Barton. At least Wilson was keen to continue the filming in his stead.

 

Update:

Banner just whispered something in Wilson’s ear and, after a quick discussion with Barnes and Rogers, Barnes suggested that Natasha and Thor go back to help Barton. Everyone’s up to something except Stark. I never thought I’d be happy to have Stark involved.

 

**Falcon’s Mission Log: Operation Black Hawk**

**Phase One**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 0710**

**Operation status: Natasha is going to kill me if she finds out.**

 

Steve and Bucky don’t know that Natasha and Clint are trying to get them together. Natasha and Clint don’t know that I managed to get them talking again by introducing them to the brilliantly named Operation Black Hawk. This is a highly classified mission with the sole objective of making Natasha and Clint realise their undying love for each other.

I’m the only person aware of both missions. Except maybe Bruce. I think Bruce knows everything that’s going on and just isn’t getting involved. He’s the one who suggested we get Natasha to go back and get Clint. That’s phase one.

Phase two involves phase two of Operation Polar Vortex/Barnes and Noble (I’m calling it Operation Starbucks on the internet, because those two are useless at naming things). We shall see how this goes.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Barnes and Noble**

**Phase Two**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 0900**

**Operation Status: ????**

 

Okay, so I’ve decided to be the bigger person and let Nat name the mission.

The good news is that phase two worked perfectly.

The bad news is that it didn’t work on Steve and Bucky.

See, we had this well thought out, very elaborate, amazingly clever plan that ended with Steve and Bucky watching a rom-com together. Part of this plan was this contact (I say contact- I mean some kid called Peter Parker who is a fan of Captain America and was mostly just happy to get paid) we set up to provide the tickets at the right time. Unfortunately the kid reported back that Phil was unhappy, and that Bucky was going to watch it by himself – which obviously we couldn’t have – unless we wanted the tickets.

This was clearly bullshit. I suspect that Sam is a double agent. But somehow me and Nat ended up at the theatre. I don’t know what happened to Thor. It looked like it was going to be a good movie until Nat got bored and made me sneak into an action flick. Which is just typical of her. Seriously. It’s not like we don’t get enough action in our daily lives.

 

Update:

Okay, I definitely didn’t mean that the way that it sounded.

 

Update:

We’re holding hands??? I don’t remember this happening but we are very definitely holding hands now?? What do I do? Do I pretend I haven’t noticed??? What is happening???? Weren’t we supposed to be on a mission?????

 

**Falcon’s Mission Log: Operation Black Hawk**

**Phase Two**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 0935**

**Operation status: So much better than I expected**

 

Clint should’ve paid that Peter kid better. He’s so cheap we managed to double their price. Plus he was good enough to tell Thor to meet us at the vet.

            Time to focus on Operation Starbucks.

Also, Phil looks like he’s developing a stress ulcer.

 

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Phase Something**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 1005**

**Operation status: Why is there now a cat?**

 

This is a nightmare.

Banner is in a corner with Stark, showing him some YouTube videos on his phone, which I gather are hilarious.

Thor has returned, but Agents Barton and Romanoff are nowhere to be seen, which Wilson will not stop laughing about for some reason.

Oh, and somehow this is a conversation that took place:

 **Rogers:** It’s not your cat.

 **Barnes:** But it’s a stray, it’s no one’s cat. What should we call it?

 **Rogers:** We’re not calling it anything, you’re not keeping the cat.

 **Barnes:** But look at it. It’s tiny and it got into a fight in an alley. I thought you could empathise.

 **Rogers:** Shut up. You’re not keeping the cat.

 **Barnes:** I think I’ll give it your middle name, since you’re not using it.

 **Rogers:** You’re not keeping the cat.

 **Barnes:** Nah, it doesn’t really look like a Grant.

 **Rogers:** You are not. Keeping. The cat.

 

Update:

He’s keeping the cat. They’ve named it Jefferson. Apparently it’s very healthy for a cat that Barnes rescued from a back-alley brawl. It’s also the spawn of the devil and has attacked everyone that isn’t Barnes. Including the vet.

 

Update:

It’s now sleeping in the hood of Barnes’ jacket. Or pretending to; I’m trying my best not to get too close. Somehow Barnes convinced the demon to be nice to Rogers, but it hates everyone else immensely.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Starbucks**

**Phase Probably, like, three**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 1230**

**Operation Status: Still not entirely sure what’s happening**

 

I just saw a teenager in a homemade “Operation Starbucks” shirt give us the thumbs up. Sam says that’s what the internet has decided our mission is called. Her friend’s shirt said “Operation Black Hawk”, whatever that means.

There is red white and blue everywhere, and I’ve heard “Born in the USA” at least seven times. Every time I do I think about the fact that Bruce Springsteen actually has a song called “Fourth of July, Asbury Park”, which would be more appropriate, but no one seems to remember.

Now I think of it, he also has a song called “Independence Day”.

 

Barton, stay on topic, will you?

 

Right. It’s time for phase three. Unfortunately, that may be difficult because of where we are now.

 

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Phase I’m Going With Four?**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 1300**

**Operation status: This is why SHIELD fell apart.**

 

We are now in New Jersey. I’m pretty sure Steve made sure we ended up here so we are as far away from any plans we may have had as possible.

Jefferson is now alert and perched on Barnes’ shoulder like the raven on the bust of Pallas in that Edgar Allen Poe poem. How does that go? _And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming_ … Jefferson (or Jeff, as Rogers now calls him, apparently he mistakenly thinks the monster is cute) may have demon eyes, but it is certainly not dreaming. Most of the Avengers may be plotting something, but I’m pretty sure that that thing is plotting the apocalypse. Barnes is feeding it little pieces of birthday cake.

Speaking of which, how Stark managed to get an apple pie flavoured birthday cake is beyond me. It’s huge, being carried about the New Jersey (why are we here again?) boardwalk by Thor, and is absolutely covered in red, white, and blue icing. And that’s not to mention the ninety-six candles on top. They are still lit. I feel like I’ve lost control of my life.

Someone was playing Fourth of July, Asbury Park- this being New Jersey- and for some reason Clint acted like this was the greatest thing that could possibly happen. I have decided not to ask.

Stark and Banner are still looking at their phones. I have decided not to ask about that, either.

In fact, I’m not asking about anything. Hopefully if I’m not aware of it, it will go away.

 

Update:

I have just been handed a piece of birthday cake with the candles still burning. Why is this day not over yet?

 

Update:

Where did Barnes and Rogers go? Wilson is missing, too. Romanoff and Barton keep exchanging significant glances.

I.

Am not.

Asking.

 

**Falcon’s Mission Log: Operation Black Hawk**

**Phase Three**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 1335**

**Operation status: I am the greatest matchmaker in existence**

 

I decided to help Natasha and Clint out with Operation Starbucks like I’d promised, so I convinced Steve and Bucky to hide under the boardwalk while the rest of the Avengers pass. Basically, all the plans in Operation Party in the USA past phase one have fallen through. I thought I would leave them alone a little and talk to Phil some. We tend to bond over job satisfaction, except he doesn’t seem very satisfied with his job right now. In fact, he seems about ready to retire and start a petting zoo or something.

Besides, as I was leaving Bucky made some joke to Steve about how he still hadn’t learned to dance. So I went to the store above and convinced them to play a song called Independence Day, by Bruce Springsteen. It is really, really, not at all a good song to celebrate Independence Day with, but it’s a nice song and slow. It got to that bit about _all men must make their way, come Independence Day_ and now they’re slow dancing, so I’m going to report back to Clint and Natasha. And see what else I can do about Operation Black Hawk.

Maybe I can even cheer up Phil. If I’m lucky I can get him to stop calling me by my last name. Seriously, why do SHIELD agents only know each other by their last name?

In other news, one of the YouTube comments is “You motherfuckers are idiots” from someone called Both Eyes Open.

 

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Phase I’m Not Even Sure This Matters Anymore**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 1440**

**Operation status: I suppose it’s not too bad**

 

So Sam (I call him Sam now) finally caught up with us and has informed me that Rogers is actually enjoying himself a lot, and is just taking a bit of a break. He said it in a strangely smug voice but I’m not going to ask.

Stark, Thor, and Banner have tagged along with some stranger’s barbeque so it’s just us, Clint, and Natasha (I call them Clint and Natasha now). At least the satan-cat is as far away from me as possible. I can see why Egyptians thought they were evil spirits. Sam has a long scratch on his hand that he is holding very gingerly. It is still bleeding.

In other news, there’s a ballroom dancing competition nearby and Sam somehow managed to convince Natasha and Clint to join (mostly by telling Natasha that Clint was probably a better dancer that her). He is now filming it.

I have no idea what’s going on and have decided now is the time to ask Banner to explain it. If I can find him.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Starbucks**

**Phase Something, I guess**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 1545**

**Operation Status: Really good. Really really good. Amazing. Wonderful.**

 

We came second in the ballroom dancing competition and Natasha won’t stop muttering how we’re clearly better that the winners in bitter Russian under her breath as we look for Phil and Sam. Who are missing. Along with everyone else.

I can’t say I mind.

I’ve worked out what Sam is up to and I’ve just decided to let it happen. I could do worse that Nat. I could do a lot worse. And I am one hundred per cent sure that I couldn’t do any better.

God I hope she doesn’t read this.

Anyway, with Sam’s matchmaking skills, Steve and Bucky should be dating by the end of the night, so everything is going very, very well. Better than well.

Still don’t know where anyone is, though.

 

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Phase This Definitely Wasn’t Part of the Plan and I Blame Barnes**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 1650**

**Operation status: God knows**

 

Okay, I’m pretty sure that Sam’s cut should have stopped bleeding by now. We had to leave Clint and Natasha to their own devices so I could take him to the hospital for stitches. Jefferson is using dark magic, I swear to god. He’s not even a black cat. He’s this adorable fluffy, patchy one that still has blue eyes.

 

Update:

I definitely did not mean to say adorable.

 

Update:

I would have thought the Falcon would be able to handle stiches better than this.

 

**Falcon’s Mission Log: Operation Black Hawk**

**Phase I hate everything**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 1655**

**Operation status: Stupid, evil cat**

 

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Starbucks**

**Phase Whatever**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 1745**

**Operation Status: Pretty sure Nat is going to murder Sam in his sleep**

 

So we found Thor, Bruce, and Tony again, all laughing at something on Bruce’s cell phone, as they have been all day. We asked him what it was and he said twitter.

This is how we found out that #operationblackhawk is trending. So is #operationstarbucks. Apparently people are taking sides about which will succeed first.

I hate Sam.

I mean, I know we’ve been putting this whole thing on the internet, too, but I really hate Sam. Besides, this whole filming thing was his idea.

Nat is now telling me to stop humming Fourth of July, Asbury Park to myself. It’s sort of stuck in my head, I’ll never understand why it wasn’t used for the Hurricane Sandy news coverage; it’s about the New Jersey boardwalk _and_ a girl called Sandy

 

Clint you’re getting off topic again.

 

Yes. Sorry. Anyway, we’ve lost something once already today, so Nat is determined to make sure that Operation Starbucks is the winner. Which is annoying. I mean

 

How is it annoying?

 

That’s not what I meant to say, Nat. stop reading my notebook.

 

It’s a mission log, Clint, not a diary.

 

I _know_. Sorry.

 

**Falcon’s Mission Log: Operation Black Hawk**

**Phase Probably Seventeen or Something**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 1840**

**Operation status: Compromised**

 

So Natasha looked on twitter. I hope my funeral is nice. Lots of people crying. Lovely things said about me.

On the other hand, Steve and Bucky have caught up with us, and they’re holding hands. Also, the hashtags had a mention on the six o’clock news. I’m really glad Phil didn’t notice.

But more importantly, I’ve just had a very interesting conversation with Clint. Time to use my amazing matchmaking skills again.

 

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Phase Seven**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 1955**

**Operation status: Somehow back on track thanks to Stark of all people**

 

The bad news is that I’m pretty sure that Jefferson is thinking of recipes for cooking human while he looks at me with those homicidal blue eyes. Is homicidal blue a colour? I think it should be a colour.

The good news is at least we’ve made it back to New York and Steve (I call him Steve now!) seems to be enjoying himself much more than he was this morning. At least, he was enjoying himself, until Thor and Bucky (not even James, Bucky! This is such a good day) decided he would be much more comfortable on their shoulders. His body language seems to be suggesting he’d rather be put down. Something about the expression on his face and the set of his shoulders and the way he keeps saying “Put me down!”.

But before that happened Sam was whispering something to them and now I’m concerned again.

Anyway, I am grateful to Stark, against every instinct, for managing to get us all back into the right state by suggesting we go to the bar. So this should be… fun.

Natasha insisted we stop at a Starbucks for coffee first, though. There were plenty of coffee shops around, but she said it had to be Starbucks. Apparently she wanted a photo. These people are weird.

 

**Falcon’s Mission Log: Operation Black Hawk**

**Phase fifty-three, maybe**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 2040**

**Operation status: Interesting**

 

I’ve told Steve and Bucky about Operation Starbucks. This is how that went:

 **Steve:** How bad do you think we are at technology?

 **Bucky:** We may be a little old fashioned but we worked out the internet pretty quickly. We know about Operation Starbucks.

 **Steve:** Why do you think Jefferson took a swipe at you?

 **Bucky:** You were being mean about him on the internet.

 **Jefferson:** Meow. [Not sure if this means “I agree” or “I’m going to slit your throat while you’re sleeping”. Could be either]

 **Steve:** Good boy, Jeff.

So I told him what Clint told me, that Natasha wasn’t going to let Operation Black Hawk work until Starbucks was a success. I was concerned that they’d get a little competitive but they agreed to help for the good of Operation Black Hawk. It’s getting dark now, and the fireworks are starting. Might as well make the picture look nice.

 

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Phase Still Seven**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 2050**

**Operation status: Uh…**

 

I just watched my childhood heroes kiss.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Starbucks**

**Phase !!!!**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 1745**

**Operation Status: Success! We won!!**

 

Natasha got a photo so Operation Starbucks is officially a victory. Happy birthday, Steve.

Bruce is grinning. Thor seems delighted. Stark is more interested in Steve and Bucky’s supposed inability to get drunk then in their new-found romance, and has set up a “science experiment” in the bar.

Basically, he’s bought a lot of alcohol. This has been a great day. The only regret is that we didn’t finish that first movie we were watching because Nat wanted to see an action film.

 

Oh, get over it. You can pick the movie on our next date.

 

On our next…?

 

I’ve been a spy most of my life, Clint. A very good one. You think I didn’t know about Operation Black Hawk from the start?

Stop grinning.

 

Make me.

 

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Phase Continues to be Seven**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 2130**

**Operation status: Well**

 

Now Natasha and Clint are kissing. Yay.

 

**Falcon’s Mission Log: Operation Black Hawk**

**Phase two hundred and seventeen**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 2130**

**Operation status: Ha hahaha haha!**

 

Yes! Another success! I am a matchmaking legend! Suck it, Cupid.

Barton’s back on filming, and Steve and Bucky are taking Stark’s challenge very seriously. So far they’ve both had more than a considerable amount of alcohol and all evidence suggests that the super-serum is doing its job too well, as usual.

 

Update:

Never mind. They’re now singing old army songs.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Starbucks**

**Phase !!!!!!!!**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 2155**

**Operation Status: Everything is great**

 

I wasn’t aware that there were so many words to _Hitler Has Only Got One Ball_.

Good to know our brave soldiers put so much thought into the testicular situation of the various enemy leaders.

 

**Falcon’s Mission Log: Operation Black Hawk**

**Phase eight thousand and three**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 2225**

**Operation status: Everyone’s a little tipsy, except Steve and Bucky, who are way more than tipsy thanks to Stark**

 

Steve and Bucky are now trying to convince each other that they are not drunk. Something rather undermined by the fact that they are very, very drunk. Apparently there’s some sort of competition going on between them about whose serum works better. The fact that Bucky says he used to be able to drink Steve under the table seems to be making them both more determined. Stark is taking bets. This is a lot funnier than it should have been on account of the fact that Steve and Bucky aren’t the only ones drinking.

 

Update:

Bucky has finally conceded defeat on account of the fact that he has fallen down and can’t seem to work out how to stand up again. Stark owes Phil fifty dollars.

 

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Phase Seven**

**Date: 07/04/14**

**Time: 2335**

**Operation status: yes**

 

We’re all going back to Stark tower. Bucky is asleep. Steve isn’t actually looking too bad. I don’t think anyone else could have survived the amount of alcohol he’s consumed tonight, let alone managed to sing what Clint assures me are the wrong lyrics to Bruce Springsteen’s _Independence Day_ quietly to himself.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Starbucks**

**Final Operation Status: Mission Accomplished**

**Coulson’s Mission Log: Operation Party in the USA**

**Final Operation Status: Let’s just call it mission accomplished**

**Falcon’s Mission Log: Operation Black Hawk**

**Final Operation Status: Mission accomplished, though I’m still pretty sure that Natasha is going to kill me.**

**Captain America’s Mission Log: Operation Ghost of Birthdays Future**

**Phase One**

**Date: 07/05/14**

**Time: 0010**

**Operation status: In Planning**

Today- or yesterday, I guess- was probably the greatest birthday I ever had.

I am going to get revenge on everyone involved.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to AzraelPhoenix, who was born on the same day as Steve.
> 
> This chapter is this year's quick Independence Day themed story.

**Bucky’s Mission Log: Steve’s birthday**

**Phase One**

**Date: 0** **7** **/03/15**

**Time: 2150**

**Operation status: Ready**

Okay, I’m going to bed now. It’s Steve’s birthday tomorrow and I wanna wake up early to cook him breakfast, like a normal birthday.

Which it will be.

Completely normal.

I have defused four separate revenge birthday plans after Steve’s (brilliant) _year_ of revenge birthday plans. He is a nightmare, and now everyone’s had a ridiculous birthday celebration and it’s all over and he can have a nice, normal, happy birthday.

And if Tony so much as looks like he’s thinking I’m gonna put a knife in his ribcage.

 

**Black Widow’s Mission Log: Operation Frappuccino**

**Phase One**

**Date: 0** **7** **/03/15**

**Time: 2220**

**Operation status: Ready**

Bucky is taking Steve’s birthday very seriously. He even has a mission log.

 

Does he?

 

Clint can you wait a bit before interrupting? Anyway, he’s been making sure it doesn’t end up _too_ much like last year, which is fair enough, and he’s been trying really hard to make it a nice day for Steve.

 

What did he call the operation?

 

Steve’s Birthday. Not even _Operation_ Steve’s Birthday.

 

God, really? I was hoping for a pun.

 

Clint I am lying right next to you, you can just talk to me if you want. Back to the mission. The primary aim is to prevent Bucky’s mission from being derailed by any unexpected ~~Stark~~ events.

 

Why are we calling it Operation Frappuccino?

 

Because they’re Starbucks. And they need to chill. Hawkeye will be on surveillance, I will be investigating and pre-empting any possible disruptions. This mission log is online so we can both update it without being right next to each other. Falcon (who we’ve made sure is on our side from the beginning, this time), will be accompanying Steve and Bucky. Miss Potts and Doctor Foster have each been assigned to a person of interest.

 

You’ve told them not to let Tony or Thor be idiots.

 

Yes. Any questions?

 

Yeah. Why isn’t it called Operation Iced Americano?

 

**Bucky’s Mission Log: Steve’s birthday**

**Phase One**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 0120**

**Operation status: Already in trouble**

This is fine. I can deal with this. Maybe I won’t get the amount of sleep I was hoping for but things could be worse.

Steve didn’t even wake up when I left the bed. Things are a-okay.

Things would be better if I wasn’t still on call for Hydra-related issues but _apparently_ I couldn’t get the day off.

If this fucks anything up I’m gonna set Jeff on Phil.

It’s one thirty in the morning on my boyfriend’s 97th birthday and I’m tracking Nazis. If all goes well I can get this done and get back without Steve even noticing I’m gone. He is not allowed to worry about anything today.

 

**Iron Man’s way-cooler-than-Clint-and-Nat’s Mission log: Operation Star Spangled Disaster**

**Phase Fuck (not the fun kind)**

**Date: 07/04/15 (shit)**

**Time: 0234**

**Mission Status: See Operation Name**

Fuck this. Fuck everything.

Fuck the entire concept of birthdays.

And friendships.

And in particular, fuck birthday presents.

It’s already Steve’s birthday and I can’t even work out what he likes. Art? Patriotism? Bucky? Dramatic speeches?

He draws a lot. Does he need pencils? Should I get him pencils? How many pencils? I’m rich, I could get him a thousand pencils. Does he need a thousand pencils? Does _anyone_ need a thousand pencils? Where am I going to get a thousand pencils at half past two in the morning on Independence Day?

 

**Pepper’s Mission log: Operation Tony No**

**Phase Tony No**

**Date: 07/04/15**

**Time: 0235**

**Mission Status: Tony No**

Tony no.

 

**Bucky’s Mission Log: Steve’s birthday**

**Phase One**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 0327**

**Operation status: Ugh**

I’m currently sitting in the en suite bathroom hoping Steve is going to fall asleep very very soon.

Very soon. Please.

The annoying Hydra thing went pretty smoothly and I just got back, hoping to sneak back into the room without Steve noticing. That went quite well until Steve decided to mention that he was awake. Dick.

 **Steve:** You alright?

 **Me:** Yeah, I was just going to the bathroom.

 **Steve:** For two hours?

So _now_ he’s a light sleeper. But when I’m trying to wake him up in the morning suddenly he’s Captain Coma.

 **Me:** …I had a good book.

 **Steve:** Are you avoiding me?

Well I wasn’t, pal, but if you’re gonna ask questions like that I might start avoiding you.

 **Me:** Not at all. I just needed to know who committed the murder.

**Steve:**

**Me:** In the book I mean.

 **Steve:** It’s just that you’re fully dressed.

 **Me:** It was cold. Happy Birthday by the way.

At this point Steve did that sighing thing he did and I seriously considered telling him about the Hydra semi-emergency, but he’d only want to get involved and that is not happening on his birthday.

So then he went full-on kicked puppy and asked if this was about That Conversation and I mumbled something about needing to get changed again and escaped into the bathroom.

Which is where I’m sitting, hoping to stay in here long enough to avoid an awkward follow-up conversation to That Conversation.

 

Update: Stark is texting me? Why is Stark texting me? How do I get him to not text me? Is there a cheat code? Stark-blocker? It’s three in the god dammed morning and I’m already having a shitty day.

 

**Iron Man’s way-cooler-than-Clint-and-Nat’s Mission log: Operation Star Spangled Disaster**

**Phase Fucking Fuck**

**Date: 07/04/15**

**Time: 0354**

**Mission Status: Shut up**

Pepper said I can’t buy Steve a thousand pencils for his birthday so now I texted Barnes. I figured he’s been freaking out about Steve’s birthday all week, so he’s probably awake.

That went well.

 **Me:** Barnes.

 **Barnes:** Stark.

 **Me:** Okay I’ll be nice if you please please help me.

 **Barnes:** If you still haven’t gotten Steve a birthday present I am not going to help you.

Fine. I’ll ask Thor. They bond over being blond and punching things.

 

**Jane’s Mission Log: Thor No**

**Phase Thor No**

**Date: 07/04/15**

**Time: 0355**

**Mission Status: Thor No**

Thor No.

 

**Steve’s Diary**

**Bucky do not read this. I will know.**

**4 th July 2015**

**4am**

Dear Diary,

Happy birthday to me. Bucky is still in the bathroom because he thinks if he stays in there long enough I’ll fall asleep and we can avoid talking about That Conversation.

I’ll be nice and pretend to be asleep when he comes back out.

Maybe I should talk to Nat. She’d know what to do. She’d laugh at me, but she’d know what to do.

It’s a year today since me and Bucky started dating, and since then we’ve been an unofficial Go-To Queer Couple for news organisations so we ended up getting in a lot of interviews after the Supreme Court decision. And after one of those interviews we were talking about things and stuff and ending up having an extremely awkward conversation about marriage in general, and then specifically about us and marriage, ~~which I’d rather forget and I think Bucky would rather forget too because I’m pretty sure he freaked out a little but I don’t want to write about it because I’m pretending it didn’t happen so~~

Anyway. Hopefully that won’t come up today. And hopefully Bucky isn’t avoiding me.

~~People got married pretty early in the thirties~~

At this point I’m beginning to suspect he’s fallen asleep in the bathroom. He’s gonna wake up with wild hair and an imprint on his face from his metal arm. If I’m awake I’ll be able to get a photo.

 

Update: Maybe I can set up a camera…

 

Update: JEFFERSON WAS HIDING ON THE BOOKSHELF AND NOW I’M BLEEDING. STUPID CAT. WHY DO WE HAVE A CAT?

 

**Bucky’s Mission Log: Steve’s birthday**

**Phase One**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 0423**

**Operation status: ffs Steve**

Steve was _in bed_. With blankets. And Pillows. And was _supposed to be asleep_.

Instead I wake up to a loud crashing noise in the bedroom and burst in to find Steve, having just fallen off the bookshelf, clutching a bleeding hand.

_How did he manage to injure himself this time?_

Then he took a photo. Apparently I look funny with messy hair and metal arm imprints on my face. He declined to explain why he happened to have a camera next to him.

So I bandaged him up with the American flag bandage from our patriotic first aid kit. Clint bought us it as a house warming present when we got this place. Clint, apparently, is an expert at buying first aid kits.

And now I have three hours left to get some sleep.

 

**Iron Man’s way-cooler-than-Clint-and-Nat’s Mission log: Operation Star Spangled Disaster**

**Phase Fuckity Fucking Fuck**

**Date: 07/04/15**

**Time: 0456**

**Mission Status: Fuckin’ Barnes**

I don’t know why everyone is awake at this time in the morning, but what I do now know is that I’m apparently forbidden from communicating with Thor all day.

Jane informed me that Barnes is trying to “pre-empt any antics” that will no doubt spontaneously occur if I can phone Thor.

Jane also informed me that I shouldn’t phone Thor because he’s changed his ring tone to the national anthem and always sings along, which I gather is annoying.

Background: Some people in the great US beauracracy started getting annoyed that Thor kept showing up in the US without getting a visa and Pepper had to wrangle a small pack of Stark Industries lawyers to work out how to fix this.

I don’t know if Asgard has immigration laws, but if they do Thor is now a duel citizen, as of two weeks ago.

He was very enthusiastic.

It’s his first Independence Day as an American.

Jane apparently can’t help me with my mission either.

Maybe I could get Steve a plant. Does he like plants? Pretty sure they have some cacti in their apartment, maybe I could get him one of those. Or, like, a tree. In a giant pot. Trees are cool, right? I’ll get him a tree.

 

Tony no.

 

Well I don’t see _you_ coming up with ideas, Pepper.

 

I’ve already got him a present. I bought him some vintage Dodgers stuff, it arrived last week.

 

Pepper, sweetheart

 

No, we are not sharing. Get your own gift.

 

**Bucky’s Mission Log: Steve’s birthday**

**Phase One**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 0730**

**Operation status: UGH**

In the end I got an hour and a half of sleep. I’m writing this very slowly because I’m too tired to remember how spelling works.

I’m making pancakes. Steve loves pancakes. I keep whispering “Steve loves pancakes” to myself to justify being out of bed this early in the morning. My right arm still hurts from fighting Hydra agents and I’m reeeeeally hoping Steve doesn’t notice the bruises on the knuckles.

Fuck it, I’m texting Clint for emergency coffee. The amount of caffeine Clint has in his emergency coffee might give me a heart attack but it’s Steve’s birthday and he hasn’t has a haircut in a while so it’s doing that floppy hair thing. A floppy-haired Steve is allowed pancakes on his birthday.

And if I’m making them red, white, and blue, that’s not a patriotism joke at all. We just happened to have that food colouring.

 

Update: It only took Clint five minutes to show up on the fire escape with coffee. That is a very short wait. A suspiciously short wait. I told him that I won’t be happy if he and Nat are planning anything and he just winked at me.

 

Update: WOW that is a LOT of caffeine. By heart feels strange but I am gonna make the BEST pancakes.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Frappuccino but only because I’m being the bigger person and not arguing with Nat.**

**Phase One**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 0742**

**Operation status: In progress**

It seems Bucky hasn’t slept. And not the good kind of not sleeping.

I had to stop him pouring paprika into pancake batter because it was there and he didn’t read the label.

While he’s waiting for the caffeine to kick in I’m getting ahead on my surveillance mission. They are temporary bugs, I swear. It’s for the good of Steve’s birthday.

And Nat scares me more than Bucky does.

 

Clint, you know I can read this, right?

 

What, are you going to pretend you’re not scary?

 

Not the issue. You said you bugged Bucky?

 

Yep.

 

To use in your surveillance?

 

Yep.

 

So you can hear what he is saying?

 

Yep.

 

Clint, you are deaf.

 

Yep. I’m getting JARVIS to put a transcription up so I can read it. I’m not a complete idiot. Anyway, I should be leaving the apartment now. I didn’t know how much caffeine super soldiers need so I just gave Bucky a shit load. It should be fine.

 

**Bucky’s Mission Log: Steve’s birthday**

**Phase One**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 0825**

**Operation status: I fucking LOVE coffee**

Clint Barton is the BEST. Caffeine is AMAZING and these pancakes are the greatest pancakes ever made ever. I’m gonna scramble some eggs to go with them. Steve loves eggs.

And I got him some watermelon juice special because he loves watermelon juice and also it’s a much more patriotic colour than orange which reminds me I wonder if food colouring works in scrambled eggs or if I should just use the egg whites though I’m not sure if it counts as scrambled eggs if it’s just egg whites but I’m gonna give it a shot anyway and then I can add some blueberries to the breakfast and make sure there is no maple syrup for the pancakes because that is CANADIAN.

And I can give Stevie a sleep-in because it’s his birthday and he is not a morning person. But I am waking him up at nine because otherwise the pancakes will go cold and we can’t have that. I don’t even mind that my hands are shaking today is gonna be great no matter how much Hydra tries to screw it up.

~~And then we’ll talk about That Conversation and maybe then we can~~

Phase one is back on track!

After breakfast we’ll be meeting Sam and going to Central Park because Steve is all about that sorta thing, and I’ll be able to give him my present.

 

**Iron Man’s way-cooler-than-Clint-and-Nat’s Mission log: Operation Star Spangled Disaster**

**Phase Fuck Fuckity Fucking Fuck**

**Date: 07/04/15**

**Time: 0843**

**Mission Status: I AM NOT GOING TO MESS UP STEVE’S BIRTHDAY I SWEAR JUST LET ME TALK TO MY FRIENDS**

I tried enlisting JAVIS’ help, but he said he’s already helping Clint with important Steve-related things. I pointed out that he has plenty of processing power to do both and he hesitated slightly and said that he put a lot of effort into Steve’s present and doesn’t want to help me get something last minute.

Even my AI got Steve a gift. Apparently he tracked down a whole lot of rare songs that Steve would have known from his youth. Then he went on and on about how the pre-digital era had a lot of art in all different media that was lost because it was only on film or vinyl or paper or

I tuned out at this point and texted Bruce. Again. He didn’t reply but apparently he texted Pepper because she came in waving a flag with “Tony NO” written on it. I’m not allowed to talk to Bruce either, this time to prevent “antics of the science kind”.

I texted the twins instead. Pietro is already here. I texted Vision too, but he’s too busy sulking to help. I didn’t even know Vision _could_ sulk, he’s usually such an optimist, but he’s very definitely sulking.

 

**Vision’s Diary**

**4 th July 2015**

**9am**

Dear diary,

Everything is unfair. What did I do to deserve this? Nothing.

Thor is literally an alien and _he_ gets to be a citizen.

It’s not like they can deport me, I was born in America! Where are they going to deport me to?

Stupid Fourth of July celebrations.

 

**Bucky’s Mission Log: Steve’s birthday**

**Phase Two**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 1015**

**Operation status: I fucking HATE Hydra**

So the breakfast was amazing if I do say so myself, and I managed to wake Stevie up reasonably successfully considering he fell off a bookshelf in the middle of the night.

He only said “fuck off Barnes” like, three times, so I counted that as a victory.

I left him to set the table while he got dressed and then I got a message from Phil telling me that there are some more Nazis that need to be fought immediately.

I wrote Steve a note next to his patriotic pancakes but I couldn’t explain that Hydra was involved so I basically said “sorry” three times and then left before he came out of the bedroom.

Hydra are doing this on purpose, I know it. Just a bunch of terrorists hanging around, trying to work out the best way to ruin Captain America’s birthday.

The fight wasn’t so hard but I have to remember that the hiding-above-doorways-so-the-bad-guy-walks-in-and-can’t-see-you-and-then-attack-with-the-element-of-surprise thing only works in movies.

So I was awkwardly on the ceiling and I said “hi” and he said “hi?” and I said “you weren’t supposed to look up” and then I dropped down and knocked him out. So that worked out alright but I think the caffeine is starting to wear off.

And then Nat showed up, which was weird. Not sure how she knew I was there but she did. If I hurry I might be able to meet back up with Steve and Sam.

I’ve got some texts from Steve that I didn’t have time to respond to:

 **Steve:** You okay, Buck?

 **Steve:** Did something come up?

 **Steve:** Is there something you wanna talk about or…?

 **Steve:** If there’s not that’s cool too.

 **Steve:** Don’t worry about it.

 **Steve:** Forget I said anything.

 

**Black Widow’s Mission Log: Operation Frappuccino because it’s the best name**

**Phase One**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 1020**

**Operation status: In progress**

Apparently Bucky couldn’t get the day off, and I think he’s in a pretty bad mood. Also pretty sure Clint gave him too much coffee.

 

No such thing. What do you mean you _think_ he’s in a bad mood?

 

Well, he seemed okay, but he did tell a Hydra agent “here, hold this a sec” before stabbing him.

 

Oh. Maybe he needs more coffee.

 

He absolutely does NOT need more coffee, Clint.

 

**Steve’s Diary**

**4 th July 2015**

**11am**

Dear diary,

So Bucky’s pancakes were delicious. I would have told him how delicious they were but he wasn’t here. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him to fuck off so much. But I do that all the time, he should be used to it. Maybe he’s sick of it. Maybe I should be nicer in the mornings.

Or maybe he’s avoiding me.

In any case, Thor showed up, grinning, and wearing an American flag instead of his cape. He complimented me on my bandage and then began singing Born In The USA (which he wasn’t). At least Clint can’t hear it, last year I heard plenty from him on the subject of celebratory Springsteen songs.

He gave me a barrel of Asgardian mead for my birthday. A barrel.

I only had one, maybe three glasses, but there’s not much else to do until Sam shows up because my boyfriend vanished. Sam should be here soon and I’m only slightly tipsy.

 

Update: When I said “Clint can’t hear it” I meant because he’s not here, like, to read Thor’s lips. I wasn’t talking about him being deaf.

 

Update: Not that him being deaf is, like, a problem or anything. It’s not. I definitely didn’t mean of that the way it sounded.

 

Update: Now even my diary thinks I’m awkward.

 

**Iron Man’s way-cooler-than-Clint-and-Nat’s Mission log: Operation Star Spangled Disaster**

**Phase Fuck Fuckity Fucking Fuck Fuck**

**Date: 07/04/15**

**Time: 1134**

**Mission Status: I have people for this**

I hate shopping.

Wanda tells me that I can’t just throw money at this because it won’t be personal so it wouldn’t be a good gift. I had actually worked that out already because if this was something I _could_ throw money at, I would have done that already.

Pietro has spent most of the morning being offended that he wasn’t considered an “antics” risk like Bruce and Thor.

Wanda had found Steve a very long book by a very boring historian, written in the nineteen eighties about how Captain America couldn’t possibly be queer and that he and Bucky were just close friends. Pietro bought him a copy of Inglourious Basterds. Everyone is better at gift shopping than I am.

It’s nearly noon. Steve’s birthday is nearly half over and I still have no idea what he wants.

Socks? People like socks right? I could get him socks. Wanda is rolling her eyes and I’m pretty sure she read my mind.

I can’t get him art supplies because he has a _lot_ of art supplies. I can’t get him anything his demon cat would kill, which is nearly everything, I can’t get him anything too American because Pepper somehow knows when I’m thinking about that and sends me a text that says “Tony no”.

The one time I jokingly suggested I get him a haircut because his hair is getting floppy again, Bucky looked like he was going to stab me.

I could get him a motorbike but he keeps throwing those at enemy aircraft.

 

**Bucky’s Mission Log: Steve’s birthday**

**Phase idek**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 1243**

**Operation status: This is the worst day of my life**

Good news: Nat has offered to take over the Hydra stuff for today

Better news: I bought some more coffee

Bad news: I was almost at Central Park when a couple of cops decided that they wanted to speak to me about some Hydra-related occurrences this morning, and then proceeded to take me to the police station.

Worse news: They read my mission log as evidence. They keep making jokes about floppy hair and asking what Steve’s kicked puppy expression looks like.

They also gave me even more coffee. I didn’t need it but I drank it anyway to be polite. I’m starting to think I’ve had too much. There’s this sort of buzzing happening.

Anyway, they let me go after I told them what happened. I texted Sam and he said that they were nearly done with lunch and that Steve was apparently in high spirits. Laughing a lot. Making stupid jokes. I don’t know whether to be glad or offended that Steve doesn’t seem to mind that I disappeared.

Sam gave Steve some red, white, and blue jogging clothes – he is the only one (other than me, and Nat, and Clint, and basically anyone who isn’t Stark) who is allowed to make patriotism jokes today – and I’ll be able to give him my gift when I meet him at home.

More texts:

 **Steve:** I’m gonna have lunch with Sam if you want to join us?

 **Steve:** But only if you want to.

 **Steve:** Idk if you’re avoiding me but if you don’t reply soon I’m gonna start getting worried.

 **Steve:** Not that I think you’ve avoiding me.

 **Steve:** You’re probably not.

 **Steve:** nvm

Dork. I had to reply before he begins to think that something’s happened, but I still didn’t have a good excuse so I just said

 **Me:** Sorry I had a thing.

Which absolutely sounds like I’m avoiding him, but according to Sam he doesn’t mind that much.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Frappuccino**

**Phase Two**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 1303**

**Operation status: In progress**

Bucky has left the police station and is going back to his apartment. I thought you were supposed to stop things (police) from derailing Bucky’s mission.

 

I have been fighting Nazis, Clint. You have been perching on rooftops.

 

I don’t perch.

 

You perch. Like a bird. Where’s Steve?

 

He just left Sam. By the way did you get one of those “help me” texts from Tony?

 

Good. And yeah, but he can get Steve a present by himself.

 

Update: Actually Steve has gone to the Tower instead of his apartment. JARVIS just told me. Apparently he’s going to be our ears.

 

**Iron Man’s way-cooler-than-Clint-and-Nat’s Mission log: Operation Star Spangled Disaster**

**Phase Fuck Fuckity Fucking Fuck Fuck**

**Date: 07/04/15**

**Time: 1328**

**Mission Status: no**

Even Rhodey got him something. Some antique weapon or something, because of course it’s gotta be Army memorabilia.

I get Steve weapons all the time for Avengers stuff but does that count? Nooooo. I’m just doing my job.

 

Tony are you using your mission log to bitch?

 

Don’t read this Rhodey it’s top secret.

The twins left because I’m not interesting enough for them. They’re not even American. They don’t care about Independence Day. Why do they have better things to do and I’m still looking for a gift?

 

Because you suck at buying gifts.

 

Stop taking my mission log. I’ve run out of ideas and am seriously tempted to get him a membership to a Frisbee gold club.

 

Update: I got one of those Tony no texts.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Frappuccino**

**Phase Three**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 1354**

**Operation status: In progress**

Steve found Vision at Avengers Tower and now they’re sulking together. So, Nat, if you wanna do anything about that…?

 

Steve doesn’t sulk.

 

They’re sitting on the floor eating ice cream from the tub and complaining. Also, Steve bought some Asgardian mead with him.

 

Please tell me you’re joking.

 

Read this:

**Transcript from JARVIS**

**Steve:** And I don’t get why he can’t just talk to me. He had a thing? What does that mean? What thing?

 **Vision:** Maybe you’re going through a rough patch.

 **Steve:** Oh god what if we are? We’ve been dating for a year. And it’s not like we never argued before the war.

**[sound of ice cream being eaten thoughtfully]**

**Steve:** But don’t worry about your citizenship thing, Starks got a lot of lawyers. They’ll sort it out.

 **Vision:** I do hope so.

**[Thor singing This Land is Your Land as he goes past quickly]**

**Steve:** At least someone’s happy. Where did he find roller blades?

 **Vision:** I do not know. May I have some more of that liquor?

 **Steve:** Sure thing, pal.

Still think Steve doesn’t sulk?

 

I’ll be right there.

 

**Bucky’s Mission Log: Steve’s birthday**

**Phase Who cares**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 1434**

**Operation status: No**

I guess I’ll just wait here for Steve to turn up then.

He didn’t reply to my text and Sam said he was coming home. Maybe he changed his mind.

I guess I’ll just wait right here. By myself. For the love of my life to show up. Eventually.

I’m even fighting the caffeine-induced need to climb a tree or something, because I’m waiting for Steve. My boyfriend. Whom I’ve known all my life. Who managed to break seventy years of Hydra brainwashing by saying the right words because he means so much to me. That guy. The one who hasn’t replied to my text yet.

The one who was “in good spirits” when he was talking to Sam. Who apparently didn’t mention me _once_. Because I guess I’m not

Never mind I’ve found some Asgardian mead. That explains why he was such good company for Sam.

Not why he hasn’t texted me though. I made him pancakes. I bandaged up his hand. I have amazing hair. I’m not having some of his mead because it was a gift and that would be rude. I always wear perfume that smells like vanilla and peaches. He loves peaches. I am a great boyfriend, the least he could do is text.

What if he’s mad at me? I don’t want to be arguing with Steve on his birthday. Does this count as arguing? It seems like the opposite of arguing. I’ve said about five things to him all day. And Steve’s one of those communicators that marriage councillors on TV like. If he was mad at me he would talk to me. God knows he’s tried to talk to me enough about That Conversation.

Maybe he’s in trouble. Maybe it’s Hydra. Should I call Nat? Should I trace his phone?

No, I’m ninety-eight. Time to be mature and actually call Steve.

Okay okay it’s dialling.

 

Update: He’s not mad or kidnapped but he is a little drunk drunk. That should wear off pretty quickly, though. He was going to ask Tony to drive him, but apparently Tony’s nowhere to be found, so Pepper offered to help.

 

Update: I wonder what that not-at-all suspicious noise coming from outside the apartment was.

 

**Hawkeye’s Mission Log: Operation Frappuccino**

**Phase Three**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 1459**

**Operation status: In progress**

Actually Nat, don’t go to the Tower.

 

Why not?

 

Because Steve’s already going back to his place and also there are Hydra agents breaking into their apartment. JARVIS reported crashing and swearing and Bucky saying “fucking Nazis”.

 

Fine. Turning around. What did Bucky say on the phone?

 

That’s what you’re focussing on?

 

Yes. Words. Now. Or I’ll confiscate your birdseed and you’ll starve.

 

Nat I’m not

Forget it

He said he’s sorry that he missed so much of the day and that he was at home and wanted to know if Steve wanted to meet up.

 

Very mature of him.

 

Well actually what he said was “hipunksorryaboutthethingthatihadwhichicantellyouaboutlaterifyouwantihopeyoulikedthepancakes [breath] imathomerightnowbuticanmeetyouwhereverifyouwantyourpresentandstuffhappybirthday”, but that was probably the coffee. He’s had a little more than the recommended dose.

 

Good enough. I’ll make sure the building is de-Hydra’d before he gets here if you can contact Phil to pick up the bad guys.

 

Already on it.

 

**Iron Man’s way-cooler-than-Clint-and-Nat’s Mission log: Operation Star Spangled Disaster**

**Phase Fucking Fuck Fuckity Fucking Fuck Fuck**

**Date: 07/04/15**

**Time: 1523**

**Mission Status: Why do I even care? I used to be too cool to care. That was way easier.**

I texted Professor Plum and he agreed to help me if I stopped giving him nicknames based on the amount of purple he wears.

With bird jokes, archery characters, and purple themed names off the table I might actually have to start calling him “Clint”.

Apparently he got Steve a set of bright orange mugs with the word “paint” on them. Which sounds stupid.

 

It’s so he doesn’t accidently mix up coffee and paint water while he’s working, idiot. It’s a great idea. The sort of thing you think of when you pay attention to people.

 

Rhodey are you still here? I thought you had to be doing something very important far away in the armour that I designed and built.

Anyway, Natasha got him a cat collar with a very precise tracker. Which is also stupid since Jefferson never leaves their apartment.

 

It’s so they don’t accidently disturb Jeff when he’s sleeping. You haven’t asked why Steve’s hand is bandaged?

 

Please stop stealing my notebook thank you. It is important Stark Industries stuff and you will be sued. By the maybe three lawyers I’ve got who aren’t currently trying to prove that Vision is an American citizen.

Maybe I could get them a better cat. They surely can’t be _that_ attached to their tiny Satan.

 

He is very cute.

 

I know. It’s a trap.

 

**Black Widow’s Mission Log: Operation Frappuccino**

**Phase Three**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 1547**

**Operation status: In progress**

Hydra’s gone and the agents involved have been removed from the premises. The apartment is a mess and Bucky is lying in the middle of the living room floor muttering “coffee sucks” to the ceiling. He’s just worked out that it doesn’t actually make you less tired, it just makes you not want sleep.

He’s exhausted, the kitchen is full of broken plates, and all the cacti need repotting. They do make good weapons though. A couple of the Hydra guys left with a polka dot pattern of cuts on their faces.

 

Does… does Bucky not have knives? I seem to remember him having a lot of knives.

 

He says you don’t think of that sort of thing on no sleep and too much coffee.

For the record, their cat is more efficient at taking down Hydra than the entire US intelligence community is.

 

You’re kidding.

 

I’m not. Jefferson is vicious. Anyway, I’m leaving before Steve gets here. And before we begin on the Hydra hide-out all these agents are coming from, you can explain why you’ve agreed to help Stark.

 

Because he asked. He hasn’t had much practice with problems you can’t solve by building or buying things and he’s been stressing.

 

How is that your problem? He once called you Big Bird for a solid week.

 

I know. But he’s asking for help so I’m helping.

 

He only stopped because you shot him with nerf guns from the vent for an hour.

 

I _know_. But he’s our friend, technically.

 

Everyone was very impressed by the amount of foam bullets you had.

 

I hide them in the vents just in case. Now stop complaining about Stark for a minute, Steve’s arrived and JARVIS is sending through the transcript if you want to spy on our friends.

 

I absolutely want to spy on our friends.

 

Okeydoke.

**Transcript from JARVIS**

**Steve:** Bucky are you okay?

 **Bucky:** Yeah don’t worry. I’m lying down because I’m stressed not dead.

 **Steve:** Okay uh… our apartment?

 **Bucky:** Hydra. I couldn’t get the day off so I’ve been pretending I haven’t been fighting them all day. Sorry.

 **Steve:** Ah. I thought- I mean- so you weren’t…?

 **Bucky:** Avoiding you? Don’t worry, I didn’t freak out about that marriage conversation if that’s what you were worried about…?

 **Steve:** No. Well yes. Okay I was a little worried but we don’t have to talk about

 **Bucky:** Yeah we can just

 **Steve:** Forget it

 **Bucky:** If you want

 **Steve:** If you… I mean…

**[Note from JARVIS: I believe this is called an awkward silence]**

**Bucky:** But we could talk about it if… I mean… we don’t have to but…

 **Steve:** Okay well. What do you think? About, y’know… I mean, I’d like to think that at some point

 **Bucky:** Yeah, definitely. Sort of… next step in the relationship type thing.

 **Steve:** So we’re talking about when? Because… I mean… never mind.

 **Bucky:** Well. Well yeah. And like, yeah. Okay. Because we’ve been together, you know, and it’s legal now. In all fifty states. And we’ve known each other for ages so it’s not like…

 **Steve:** Yeah I mean. We could

**End transcript**

What? Clint? What did you do? Why?

 

C’mon Nat, let’s give them a little privacy.

 

 _Fine_. Go pander to Stark. And never say “okeydoke” again.

 

**Iron Man’s way-cooler-than-Clint-and-Nat’s Mission log: Operation Star Spangled Disaster**

**Phase Fuck Fucking Fuck Fuckity Fucking Fuck Fuck**

**Date: 07/04/15**

**Time: 1623**

**Mission Status: I don’t even think having friends is worth it anymore**

Clint showed up.

I’m only calling him Clint right now because I can’t think of any coffee-themed puns.

Apparently there’s a Hydra thing going down at the moment but he’s helping me get Steve a present anyway.

Personally I find that a little suspicious, but now he’s talking about all the art stuff that Steve likes. He’s asking about the art collection that I never look at and keep donating chunks of to random charities. Surely there’s something he likes in there.

This is an excellent idea. How come I can’t have any of these ideas? I’m a genius.

Now I just need to find out what art Steve likes.

Clint says he doesn’t know and that he has to leave because he’s helping cover Barnes’ Hydra duty for today. Which is nice of him.

 

Update: God dammit I’m going to have to help him aren’t I?

 

**Bucky’s Mission Log: Steve’s birthday**

**Phase Three, probably**

**Date: 0** **7** **/04/15**

**Time: 1704**

**Operation status: Pretty good**

I gave Steve his present, finally. I decided to take full advantage of my position as Only Guy Who Knew Steve In The Thirties and collected a pile of nostalgic stuff like a sap. Finding someone to make a few more of the old chocolate bars was tricky but the rest wasn’t so hard.

Turns out the sound was Hydra agents, so now the apartment is a mess.

I repotted the cacti (carefully, with the metal hand) while Steve looked through the box and began a whole lot of sentences with “Remember that time…”

The worst of the caffeine has worn off and Steve hadn’t drunk too much of the mead so we’re both relatively normal.

I’m pretty sure I’m engaged.

Like, I’m 90% sure. We had this long conversation about it and came to the conclusion that we should totally get married. Which brings up the slightly annoying fact that we can’t work out who actually proposed.

At least the Hydra guys are finally no longer a problem. Their hide-out was taken down pretty easily. Apparently Iron Man showed up, which was nice of him.

Stark texted me to ask what sort of art Steve likes and I think I’m gonna have to help him out.

 

Update: Steve just stopped speaking midsentence, looked at me, and said “I’ll let you propose if you do it during a Fox interview”. They’ll probably be covering the fireworks and stuff.

Dinner first, then we can offend some Republicans.

 

**Black Widow’s Mission Log: Operation Frappuccino**

**Final Operation Status: Mission accomplished**

 

**Iron Man’s way-cooler-than-Clint-and-Nat’s Mission log: Operation Star Spangled Disaster**

**Final Operation Status: Mission accomplished. Eventually.**

**Bucky’s Mission Log: Steve’s birthday**

**Final Operation Status: Mission Accomplished**

But there’s just one more thing to add:

**Fox News 07/04/15: Interview with Steve Rogers (live)**

**Partial transcript**

**Interviewer:** Well, happy birthday. You’re been busy lately, with your vocal support of the recent Supreme Court decision regarding same-sex marriage. What do you say to those Americans who have said that it’s not Captain America’s place to comment on partisan politics?

 **Rogers:** I would say that they would be perfectly happy for me to comment on politics if I agreed with them.

**[Rogers smiles politely]**

**Interviewer:** Right. And you’ve been living with your friend-

 **Rogers:** Boyfriend.

 **Interviewer:** Your partner for a while now, are you able to dispel the rumours that the two of you are planning on getting married?

**[James Buchanan Barnes enters the frame]**

**Barnes:** That’s a great idea!

 **Interviewer:** Erm, we’re joined by Bucky Barnes-

 **Barnes:** I hadn’t thought of that. We should get married. What’d you think Stevie? Will you marry me? You’re ninety-seven, you’re not getting any younger.

 **Interviewer:** I think maybe we should-

 **Rogers:** Huh. That _is_ a good idea. And we do have a cat to think about. Y’know Buck, I think I will marry you.

 **Barnes:** That great! Thanks for the idea.

 **Interviewer:** Well I didn’t- I mean- that wasn’t [inaudible mumbling]

**[Rogers and Barnes kiss]**

**[Fox switches to different reporter]**


End file.
